So the World Will Know
by SmokeyTV
Summary: Post "Grave Danger". Nick searches for answers after his ordeal. "The world breaks everyone, and afterward some are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway


**This story is a response to the third Nick Fic Song Challenge on TalkCSI. The word limit was 2,000, and the story inspiration was Garth Brook's song, "The Change". Lyrics in italics.  
**

* * *

**So the World Will Know**

Why him?

That's all he had wanted to know while lying there in the dark. Why him? He had spent the hours going through every case in his mind, every suspect, every conviction. And he was going to die without knowing. Why him?

Eyes closed, now everything was clean. He inhaled, breathing in the fresh, sanitized air. He turned his head, face against the pillow, feeling the softness of the starched linen against his skin. He licked his lips, finding a small bite or two, but no bugs or dirt. Satisfied that it was safe to do so, he slowly opened his eyes.

Catherine was standing by the bed in the dimly lit room, smiling at him. "See? I told you," she whispered to Warrick as he appeared next to her.

Moments before, when she had noticed Nick stirring, Catherine had run out to the hallway where Warrick was fighting to get a ragged dollar bill accepted by a snack machine in exchange for a bag of M&M's. She had told him that Nick was waking up and then called his parents to tell them as well. Nick had been sedated soon after arriving in the ER, and his mother especially had been distraught at not being able to let him know they were there before he was asleep. Finally convinced by the doctors that it would be at least 24 hours before he awakened and assured that they would be called immediately, his parents had returned to their hotel to rest, knowing there would not be many more opportunities to do so in the days ahead.

Now Catherine took Nick's hand. "Hi, Nicky."

Warrick smiled as well and said, "Hey man."

Nick looked at them through eyes barely focused until he blinked a few times. "Hey," he responded groggily.

"Everything's okay," Catherine said as she squeezed his hand. "You're gonna be just fine."

Nick slowly looked around his surroundings, then asked tiredly, "Can I sit up a bit?"

"Sure you can," Catherine answered. She adjusted the bed for him so that he wasn't lying down flat anymore, fully aware of why he did not want to be in that position. "How's that?" she asked as she fluffed his pillow.

Nick cleared his throat. "Good….thanks." He settled back and closed his eyes again.

Catherine hoped he wasn't going back to sleep. At least not until after his parents arrived. She studied him as she had for the past several hours, taking in his marked appearance, his sharp facial features and strong arms now obscured by swelling and hundreds of welts. He opened his eyes again and looked up at her. She had to stifle a gasp as she saw that even his eyes had changed. It seemed impossible, but they were dimmer and paler, warm chocolate turned to cool brown.

Nick sighed sleepily and asked, "What happened?"

Warrick and Catherine cast quick, confused, glances at each other before Warrick responded, "You don't remember?"

"Yeah…I mean…why? Who did it?"

Relieved, Warrick answered, "A man named Walter Gordon. His daughter, Kelly, is serving 5 years for accessory to murder."

Nick frowned and shook his head a little. "Was it my case?"

"No, it was three years ago…some quickie case on dayshift."

"Then…why me?"

"It wasn't about…" Warrick stopped himself before finishing. He looked down, then looked at Nick and said, "It was random."

Catherine noticed a small shiver run through Nick and took his hand again. "He wanted revenge on the department. He didn't care who it was."

"Oh," Nick said simply, nodding his head. His lower lip trembled slightly as he looked at Warrick and asked, "Did you get him?"

"He's dead," said Warrick. "Killed himself."

Nick turned away from them, his eyes focused on some faraway point in the room. "Good," he whispered.

Warrick continued, "He blew himself up when Grissom went to deliver the ransom."

Nick looked back at him. "Ransom?"

"Yeah…a million dollars."

"Where did you guys get a million dollars?" Nick asked incredulously. His eyes darted between the two of them before settling on Catherine as the realization set in. "Aw, Cath…I'm sorry."

She ran a hand through his hair, looking into his eyes as she smiled and said, "Worth every penny."

He nodded and sighed. "Thank you," he said softly, his tired eyes fixed on hers. He settled back into the pillow again, but noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his attention toward the entrance to the room.

Catherine watched as he saw his parents in the doorway, his expression first one of disbelief, then his face crumpling in tears as his mother quickly went to him. Warrick touched Catherine's shoulder, and they quietly left the room.

Nick's mother embraced him, and he clutched her tightly as he cried, his face buried in her shoulder. "I was so scared," he choked out.

"I know, baby, I know," she said as she held him to her, unable to hold back her own tears now.

His father walked up and stood behind his mother, putting his hand on the back of Nick's neck and squeezing it affectionately. Nick looked over his mother's shoulder at his father and managed to say between sobs, "I thought I'd never see you again."

His mother pulled him closer and whispered as she gently rocked him, "Shhh…it's okay. It's okay now."

* * *

_And I hear them saying, you'll never change things,_

_And no matter what you do, it's still the same thing._

_But it's not the world that I am changing._

_I do this so the world will know_

_That it will not change me._

"She doesn't give a shit about you."

"I'm not doing it for her, Warrick. I'm doing it for me."

Nick was talking on his cell phone as he drove down the long stretch of desert highway. It had been over a month since his ordeal, and he felt there was still one piece missing. With Walter Gordon dead, he had been unable to find any sort of closure after what happened to him. It wasn't that he wanted the satisfaction of seeing someone convicted and held responsible. He simply wanted to understand why it happened. What drove this man to do what he did? There was only one way to find out…only one person to see.

"What do you think, man?" Warrick asked. "You think she's gonna say she's sorry? You think she's gonna admit she had any part in it?"

"I don't care about that. I just need to see her, that's all. I need to know why this happened."

"She's not gonna tell you anything."

"She doesn't need to," Nick answered. "She's the reason. I just have to see her." There was silence on the other end of the phone, and he knew Warrick still wasn't happy about this. "I'll see you later," Nick said and hung up the phone.

Two hours later, Nick walked into the lab to report for his shift. As he passed Catherine's office, she called him in. Warrick had told her everything, and she wasn't sure it was a good idea either. Looking at Nick now, she feared she was right. He sat down in the chair across from her, looking worn out and defeated. But there was something else about him now. Something had changed. He looked at her and smiled a weary smile, and she looked back into warm, chocolate eyes that were lively and vibrant once more.

_What I do is so_

_This world will know_

_That it will not change me._


End file.
